The process of adopting a Special Needs child was, in all honesty, a little scary at times. We knew God had it all in His hands, so we simply prayed for our son as we waited to meet him. Lots of other folks were praying for him as well, and we truly felt those prayers while we waited. But still, anticipating his limitations and “issues” brought forth some questions and fears:
“God, are we really equipped to parent this child in the ways he needs?” “How will we react on a daily basis when his needs require so much more from us than we know how to do?” “Will our other kids resent him for his needs and all that entails?” “God, why did you call us to this, we don’t have a clue how to deal with all of this?!” “God, you’re really gonna have to show up every day, because we are impatient, perfectionistic, and irritable!”
Wouldn’t you know, God DOES have this in His hands. He DID equip us, as well as the many other individuals who pour into our son on a daily and weekly basis. We DO react rather than act proactively sometimes, because we are human; but God’s grace is sufficient. Our other kids DO NOT resent him or his needs; they simply love their irritating little brother just as siblings do. And most importantly, God called us to this to show us, in His own way, how to love unconditionally, and to value our own adoption into His eternal family.
And…He DOES show up, every.single.day.
Our story took a different turn when we were finally united with our son. His special needs were not what we anticipated. His limitations and “issues” were not what we had prepared for, read up on, and studied. Our son was unable to communicate with us in a conventional sense, and he was scared to death of us; those were a few things on a long list that we were anticipating (not that it made it easy…it was in fact, heartbreaking to see the fear in his eyes when he looked at us, and to witness the survival instinct manifest in a child so young). But it was nothing like we had imagined. As it turned out, he wasn’t at all the child we thought we’d be bringing into our family.
We don’t know why for sure, but our son was seemingly misdiagnosed. Lots of theories exist as to why this sort of thing happens in adoption situations, but I won’t go into that, because I have no intention of substantiating false claims or provoking negative attention to the process or various countries. We simply believe that God spared our son the medical, social, intellectual, and emotional issues of which we had attempted to prepare to parent him through. We don’t believe God necessarily spared us, because we didn’t deserve to be spared of anything. And we loved this little boy from the moment we read a brief paragraph describing him and his needs; and at that moment, we were all in no matter what.
God spared our son, for whatever reason.
Do we breathe a little easier every day, function a little more normally, and navigate through life with fewer difficulties than we expected as a result? Of course! For his sake, and I’m not gonna lie…for our sakes…we are so thankful. We have come to a much greater understanding of the plights of families who daily face obstacles that we cannot fathom, who fight to keep it together every.single.day.
Sometimes, I feel guilty. But my husband has for years told me (he is a very wise man!), “Guilt is the worst motivator.” That’s so true in so many forms.
Every parent has “those days/weeks/years” with their kids, and we are no different. While our four other kids fairly sail through being raised by two completely and lovingly imperfect parents, our little guy is still catching up on some of what he missed out on for the first two-and-a-half years of his life. The older four have a plethora (yes, Honey, I said ‘plethora’) of differences, even having been born and raised of/with the same parents/environment. One can imagine the obstacles a child not born into this craziness has to deal with on a daily basis!
All of this to say, I opened our little guy’s preschool backpack today, and what I saw instantly brought me to tears.
We’re so proud of each one of our kiddos; the firsts that they have all experienced have warranted many “Whoop Whooooops!” and dance parties at our house! In fact, the first time our firstborn wrote his name by himself, I literally put two more pieces of paper in front of him so he could recreate his masterpiece to be mailed to his grandparents! No joke, that happened. (And there is a picture of it somewhere, but that was before we had a digital camera!)
Call it what you will; this is the baby (and all of us who are the baby of the family know that the baby is always the favorite, right?). But the mere fact that he has overcome all that he has, that he has accomplished more in two-and-a-half years than we expected him to accomplish in a lifetime literally, makes this letter ‘J’ so extremely precious to our family.
When I pulled this out of his backpack today, I stopped in my tracks, looked at him, and asked, “Hey buddy, did you write this all by yourself?” He distractedly looked up and said, “Yeah.” Like, no big deal. It’s just a letter J.
It’s way more than just a letter J to me. He’s never been able to do that before, on his own. He couldn’t even pronounce a letter J, let alone recognize and write one. And it’s not even that he’s “behind” other kids his age, because that’s all relative and as seasoned parents we try not to get caught up in that stuff anyway. No, it goes back to that brief paragraph that described him and his needs that we read almost four years ago, before we ever saw his stinking adorable face or held him in our arms, and how with that handwritten letter J, God is telling us, “I’m bigger than that. This is your son, and you will always love him as I love you.”
If you’re wondering why I posted this on my home interior blog and wondering what in the world this has to do with interior design, I’ll tie it in this way: my little guy wants nothing more than to add his own touches to the room he shares with his big brother who in a month-and-a-half will become a teenager. I have so many qualms about allowing my children to decorate their own rooms, so when you combine those hesitations with a teenager’s ideas and a toddler’s ideas…well, the struggle is real, y’all.
Today’s handwritten letter J put a lot of things back into perspective, and I think he sort of deserves some Spider Man art beside his bed! Every.single.day.
